Learning to love

During my time in Cambodia, I have learned so much. I have learned the language, customs, traditions, history, and more. Beyond those things, I have also had a change of heart. I have learned to love. I won’t lie, the transition from the United States to Cambodia hit me pretty hard. I went from comfort to confusion. I am now in a world where I can’t read the majority of signs, menus, books, etc. I couldn’t even make a guess on how to sound out anything. I am now in a world where I don’t understand what the people around me speak. I am separated by a language barrier. Making small talk or having a conversation is hard. The first few weeks of being here, I was just mad and upset. I felt I had no reason to be happy. “Only two and a half months until Thailand and South Africa!” I would constantly tell myself. I would just sit and think of what I’d rather be doing while in ministry. The ministry my team was assigned to was to drive to the villages in Angkor Chum, an hour and a half drive away one way. We are to teach English and bible stories of Jesus to the kids. At first, I was ungrateful for our ministry. I wanted to trade with the other team’s ministries. It was a drag for me each day to get up and find joy just being present and working with the kids. Having to go to the bathroom in squatty potties, the smell of the village not always being pleasant, and not understanding what the kids and ministry hosts were saying. I was just unwelcoming and non-respondent to it all. The thoughts of “being forced” to do ministry I didn’t like 5/7 days of the week just brought me down. The second week into ministry, I got sick. Really sick. There, God brought me to my lowest. Life sucked, I wanted to go home, I hated being in a house that was not mine, I hated being hot, I hated not having air conditioning and I hated the unfamiliar food. I just hated everything. That has been my hardest time during the race so far. The sickness only lasted for a couple of days by the grace of God. The first day back in ministry after being sick I decided to pray and ask God to help me slowly learn to love Cambodia. It wasn’t an overnight thing. It has definitely taken time. Now, presently, I find myself looking at my surroundings and loving what I see. I am fascinated by the people and I see their hearts for others and how truly kind they are. I love hearing the locals speak in the Khmer language, I long to understand, but, it brings me joy to hear it. I have learned to love the ministry that my team was assigned to. Every day I find myself waking up with excitement and joy to go see the kids in the villages. We, my team, come prepared to teach and act out a bible story, sing, and dance to a worship song, and play a few games with the kiddos. Being here in Cambodia, I have had such a drastic change of heart. Every morning before heading out to ministry, I pray something along the lines of these words- “Dear God, thank you for the opportunity to be here in Cambodia doing your work on earth. Thank you for choosing me to be a light and set an example of Christ. I pray for enthusiasm and excitement in the kids, my team, and myself. I pray that the hearts of the people in the villages would be opened to hearing and learning about You and even when they can’t understand us, we set a good example. I pray that we plant seeds of You even when we don’t get to see it bear fruit. Thank you Jesus for this day and I will rejoice and be glad in it.” Writing this blog I can’t stop smiling at how big of a turn-around I made. I went from unhappy, depressed, and boredom to being filled with excitement and passion. Thank you, God, for showing me all your goodness around me. It is truly a blessing that I am here in Cambodia being the hands and feet of Jesus.